Meditation XV -- Wanting

"and whenever you want, you can do good for them."

Let us set the scene for this verse. While Jesus was having dinner at the house of a leper (one who was expected to be shunned), a women came and gave Our Lord the honor of anointing Him with nard. She, most likely, should not -- based on social convention -- have been touching a man. And the men there scoffed and scolded, claiming that the ointment could have been sold and money given to the poor.

Several times in Christ's earthly ministry, His friends and disciples tried to keep others from him. Always it was with the excuse of something "more important." Once they tried to keep children from being blessed by Him because presumably Jesus was too busy. Here they exploited the poor. Sounds good on the surface. Jesus the VIP. Jesus the defender of the lowly.

But Jesus is not interested in the logic of businessmen-followers. He wasn't Jesus the politician. He answers that we will always have the poor to give to. Whenever we want. Of course, because The Lord has demonstrated His Love and Holy Concern for the poor, we should too. But His words cut deep, because the implication here is that His disciples really did not want to do good to the poor. They had another agenda.

Perhaps worse than ignoring the children of God, be they the poor, sick, or incarcerated, is using those children as an excuse to keep Christ (or what we expect Christ is) to ourselves. For loving God is not a matter of acting in a particular way or avoiding certain things or people. Loving God wholly means also loving good, wanting to do good.

Lord, test and turn my will, that my desire to serve you will be pure, free from selfishness or agenda, except the agenda to love You more. Amen in Christ.

Bookmarks -- The Shallows

As I began to read this book, I have to confess that I use the Internet so much, I was scared to find out how bad it is for me. Not only do I use the Net for as a writer (research, writing, keeping track of submissions, not the mention to submissions themselves), but it is an integral part of my teaching. My students essentially do every assignment online, and I do all my grading online via a course management system. I keep track of my family and friends via the web, including arguments and prayer requests. I even follow my favorite soccer teams by watching them as much online as I do on television.

I mean, I already kind of knew something was amiss, but I was not ready for what I found out in Nicholas Carr's The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing To Our Brains.

This is a fascinating book about the way the Internet has not only revolutionized the way we do things, but the way we think. Carr lays out a strong argument that the brain's plasticity allows it to physically change due to a variety of stimuli, and that what is inherent in the Internet makes those changes rapidly. Where we gain in some processes (and Carr is quite fair about the value of the Internet), we lose in such necessary elements as meditative or deep or critical thinking. The is the type of thinking is as important as the type of quick thinking the Internet encourages, as it needed for creativity and problem solving among other things. The book also exposes the shift in thinking since the first computers were created from a sense that knowledge encompasses many elements to the idea that knowledge is merely a matter of getting data (any data) as quickly as possible.

Carr includes a great deal of history and science to develop his ideas, including details about more than how the first computers were invented and put to use, but the ideas behind those who built and used them. Where controversy might occur, he includes plenty of information from those who are not likely to side with him, so the naysayers have their say. And the book includes a number lighthearted moments, such as the "digression" chapters and Carr's awareness of the ironies inherent in writing a book as this.

I like that Carr does not take an alarmist tone, but I must comment on two chapters that have me thinking I should do some re-thinking about how and how much I use the web. One chapter is "The Church of Google," where Carr present the history of the search engine/company, but also explains the frightening rationale used to make us believe that data and information is the same as knowledge. The other chaper is the one that follows, "Search, Memory," in which Carr persuasively argues against the metaphor that the brain is like a computer, particularly in how it stores information and memories.

The book is a bit difficult to read, but that is because it is filled with research and scholarly inquiry. I think every teacher should read The Shallows, at the very least, because it addresses the very nature of how we learn. Students should read it too, but ironically, many, having grown up in a world where the Internet was always in existence, may find it tough sledding.

Years ago, when I started teaching, and students were nervous about using a word processing program to compose their papers, I remember telling them that within a month they would wonder how they got along with it. I have said this about a number of technological innovations since then. Now, I'm convinced we better find a way to get along without the Internet, at least for longer periods of time, to give our brains the other stimuli, nourishment, or whatever you want to call it to bring us back into the balance we need.

Kudos to Nicholas Carr for his very important, honest, and even response to a growing, if unacknowledged, crisis.

Meditation XIV -- Salted

"For everyone will be salted with fire."

Salt is a preservative. Salt alters the taste of food. Even the salt on our skin can sting an open wound.

In popular culture, we may think of people who are "salty," not so much as seasoned, which they most likely are, but as course, as altogether too earthy. These are people who have been changed, perhaps, not by a single experience, but by a lifetime of experience living in the world.

Salt changes the food it touches irrevocably. Over-salt something, and it might be ruined. You can wash the salt with much water, but it won't ever go back to its original form. So it takes practice and great care for us to salt properly,even to our own taste.

God does take great care with us, but that salt is necessary. Otherwise we are not only bland, but do not last, and are useless.

Lord, help me to accept the fire you salt me with. Change me to your taste, for in such actions you prove I belong to You. Amen.

Meditation XIII -- Leaven

And they began discussing with one another the fact that they had no bread.

Leaven and bread are two different things. Leaven is put in bread to make it rise. It is an agent of change. Bread is what we eat. The disciples were so focused on their bellies, on their immediate needs, that they were unable to comprehend the spiritual needs -- the eternal needs -- Jesus was addressing when he said, "beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod."

How often are we so focused on the temporal, the literal, that we miss the metaphor, the greater teaching? So like Martha running after the work of the kitchen instead of like Mary, setting ourselves to the work of the soul.

We see the immediate need to fix our hunger, and so neglect that our souls are in immediate need as well. It is when we are hungry that the leaven of the Pharisees can take root, and spoil the loaves that are our lives.

Lord, help us to remember you always meet our bodily needs, so that we may focus our minds and hearts on You. Let Your leaven work in us that we may always work in You. Amen.

Meditation XII -- Dead

the guards trembled and became like dead men.

As I read Matthew's narrative about Jesus' resurrection, my mind's eye is usually drawn to the followers of Christ and the effect that rising from the dead would have on them. How easily we can forget the other story.

Maybe we look at the scene with an "of course" sort of attitude. An earthquake happens. A dazzling being appears, moves the heavy stone from the entrance of the tomb, and sits on it, awaiting the women who will come to honor the Lord. Of course the guards would tremble. Of course they would be like dead men.

But then it is easy to forget them. We listen to the angel's proclamation and instructions to the women. Then we see Jesus who comforts the women. Then it is so easy to skip over to what believers call "The Great Commission."

But the guards were not dead, only like dead. They had to report what had happened. They too were witnesses, in some part, to the resurrection! And what happened when they told the chief priests? They were paid off and told to disseminate a false report, one that portrayed the disciples as criminals.

There are your dead men. Having seen the truth, having a miracle before them, they loved their own vision of the universe so much they not only chose to ignore the truth, but to spread the lie. And the lie, death, is what they chose to live with and to make disciples to.

Lord, let me not look at You and turn away. Give me strength and courage, when Your Truth proves my error, to leave those things that are not of You, and even if naked and alone, to run into your loving arms.

Meditation XI -- Betrayal

Judas, who would betray him, answered, "Is it I, Rabbi?"

One might argue that Judas was no more evil than the other disciples, and that he believed he was doing good in handing Jesus over to the chief priests. Sure, he had pilfered from the treasury of the group, but maybe he had convinced himself that doing good to himself was doing good for the group, and this was good for the Master.

Note that Christ's disciples all asked Jesus the same question: "Is it I, Lord?" All except Judas, who addressed our Savior as "Rabbi." Shall we read into this that Judas had not accepted Jesus as Lord, but as merely a teacher? Was Judas, as one who expected a military conqueror as Messiah, hoping to force Jesus' hand? I do not know, but I'm struck that all the other disciples, even Peter, thought it possible to betray the Lord, though they loved Him.

Remember Judas left the group and sought the chief priests after the incident with the woman who anointed Jesus for burial. Others said the ointment could have been sold and the money given to the poor. Did Judas see himself as "the poor"? Did he figure, with Jesus doing so much talking about death and end times, that it was incumbent up on him to steer the course of Jesus' ministry?

It ultimately does not matter what Judas' motives were, except to say that he probably thought he was doing the right thing. What we should note is not just the betrayal itself, but the possibility that Judas deceived himself (or was deceived?) so much that he thought he was doing good in doing evil. And we should tremble at how close to such thinking we may all be.

Jesus, help us to remember to ask "Is it I, Lord?" from time to time, not only that we avoid betraying You, but that we not betray what You are to us. Be Lord and not Teacher only. Whether we are whore, tax collectors, priests, paupers, or princes, let us fix ourselves to Your will and mercy. Amen.

Thoughts on SOPA and PIPA

Much of the following has been cobbled together from a few Facebook posts I have made in the last couple of days. My apologies if you have read it before.

I have not looked long and hard at the legislation proposed in SOPA and PIPA, but I have mixed thoughts on what little I do know. What I have seen is a great deal of hysteria on both sides, which I am learning comes with pretty much all political territory.

Two ideas often go through my head when new laws are considered. Let's stop short of calling these two ideas truths, because there are always exceptions, but I've found nothing to show them as wrong.

Often people who are against whatever bill under consideration (and even after) give a hundred reasons to say it is awful, but I usually find myself responding, But something must be done. That is how I felt about Obama's health care initiative. Not all of it is great, some of it is not good, but those who see no problem with the confluence of health care corporations and a dwindling economy have their heads in the proverbial sand. 

I look at SOPA and PIPA the same way: something must be done to protect not only artists, but everyone who creates something. How do we protect the creative work of a computer programmer or the teacher or the engineer? What is going to make sure the textbook I am writing won't be pirated?

My second general maxim when it comes to law is: It is nearly impossible to go back. We generally do not make rules on a trial basis. Even when we realize ordinances have not helped a community (for example, when a dry town votes itself wet), the community almost never changes it. With laws that effect the whole nation, it takes years, often a generation or more, to change it, if we do so at all. So new rules are like writing something into culture instead of having culture evolve.

A problem in our culture, a friend pointed out to me, is that for so many who have never known anything but a world with an Internet, most things have either been free or seemed to be free. That keeps people from even seeing the harm they may be doing. My addition to this thought is that fewer people are creators. That is, few do anything to create, but only consume. How can they know what it takes to be an artist of any kind? As I have said many times, we must create or we destroy.

As for Wikipedia going dark, I keep wondering why they didn't do so later in the semester when more high school and college students were stealing, I mean, writing research papers. Wouldn't that have gotten more attention? But apparently, did generate a lot of attention, if the news feed in my Facebook is any indication. If Wikipedia really wanted to serve the world, it would go dark and never bring its "light" back. Ever.

TV notes – Cymbalta hurts

When my doctor prescribed Cymbalta for my diabetic neuropathy, I shot him a confused look. I thought he was trying to pull one over one me. But he assured me that Cymbalta was first designed for just my problem: pain in the extremities due to diabetes, and that only later, after it was discovered that patients reported feeling better emotionally did they discover it benefits for those suffering from depression. Thus it had become a drug prescribed for millions of people for the latter use.

So I gave in, trusting that the information was accurate, and I wish I hadn't. While the drug has done a good deal to help my pain, it may do more harm than good.

In my opinion, every prescription of an anti-depressant is a death sentence. It may not literally kill the patient, but eventually many wish they could die. The doctor has doomed the patient with lifelong dependency on the "medicine," even telling the patient most often, "You will take this or some other drug for the rest of your life."

Doctors and pharmaceutical commercials are almost never honest about the side effects of such drugs, particularly what takes place when one stops taking them, which happens for a variety of reasons. If you think a depressed person is difficult to get along with before taking Cymbalta, try dealing with him a couple days after he has quit using it.  And long term effects of taking such drugs have not been studied enough.


A couple years ago, Eli Lilly, the makers of Cymbalta started its "depression hurts" advertising campaign. Not so clearly, it connected the emotional difficulty of depression with physical pain, which is not always accurate. You'll note that these ads are often much longer than other commercials on television. The ads essentially beat the viewer on the head with its message and droning music, telling those with depression, "You're in pain. Your pain is a problem for other people. Cymbalta will fix that." It told those without depression, "If you want your life to get better, make sure your friend/companion/loved one takes this."

Don’t forget that many doctors misunderstand the order of events in people’s lives. Some will prescribe an anti-depressant when a patient is in pain, assuming that the patient’s feelings and attitude might because of pain, not depression.

Now Eli Lilly, instead of being ashamed of such crass manipulation and deception, is advertising this product for anyone with chronic pain. This action is far over the line. Big Pharma has done it's best to make sure all of us believe we have have a problem that can be solved via drugs. Most people use the phrase "my meds" as easily and often as they talk about what they eat for dinner or what they watch on television (the latter a seriously important drug or drug supplement). 

Though Lilly was cited by the FDA for misleading ads in 2010, the company has taken its message beyond those with depression or chronic pain, but continued to tell people that Cymbalta is for pain. Any pain.

Feel bad? Forget Tylenol or Advil, or meditation or taking a nap or anything else that might have worked before. Take Cymbalta. But realize you might killing yourself in the process. Even the fine print is not clear about this.

If corporations really are people, Eli Lilly (and the rest of them) is among those worthy of a special place in Hell. In Dante's Inferno, the Eighth Circle was reserved for those guilty of “theft, fraudulent rhetoric and falsification” (among other sins). Suicides were sent to the Seventh Circle with the violent. Clearly Dante felt that violence to language was even more heinous than violence to others, including the self. Seems an apt place for Big Pharma. The only thing I would add is that the suicides should be able to throw rocks at the executive and drug reps burning below them.

Reading Response – Of Obesity

I am overweight myself, but wasn't as a kid. I have mixed feelings about ads such as those being produced in Georgia and written about in the NPR story “Controversy Swirls Around Harsh Anti-Obesity Ads.” I agree that we have to get people's attention, especially the overweight parents of these kids. On the other hand, I wonder how kids will use these ads as fodder for their abuse.

I also know that PSAs that sugar-coat things don't tend to work, especially on kids. Consider the Truth ads. These have been very successful, in large part because they are honest. (Of course, they are not funded by big tobacco. And you will notice you see fewer of these because the organization lacks the money power of huge corporations.)

However, I wonder why there are not more PSAs aimed at people to encourage them to be more encouraging. Not “positive.” Encouraging.

I have been helped a great deal by the little bits of encouragement throughout the week. Lots of people will tell me very specific, but thoughtful things, and those help me to keep in mind that my diet and exercise are working. What doesn’t help? Advice. Most of it is something I already know. Some of it comes from the perpetually skinny and is over simplistic. What also hurts are those who think they are encouraging by telling me I’m still fat. One relative will hear another talk about my weight loss and say "Really? It looks like you have gained weight" or "I can't tell" or "Well, it's about time you did something."

I have a long way to go, and I know it. I'm fat, and I know it. I didn't get the  weight on quick, and if I want to live a healthy remainder of my life, I can't get it off fast. I just also know that there is, at least for me, an emotional attachment to food as well as to sitting still. And having people honest and thoughtful has made a huge difference in how I handle the really difficult parts of the weight loss journey.

And while we are at it, why not some PSAs aimed not just at the parents who raise fat kids, but at the executives of fast food industries and the government autocrats who protect them. These are people who on one hand block every attempt at health care reform and on the other block attempts to make food healthier and safer. These are people who seem all about the money, but ignore the economic realities of the products, policies, and practices. But such efforts would not likely work. Most PSAs appeal to the heart, and these people don't have any.

Bookmarks – The Metamorphosis and Other Stories

Pieces like "A Hunger Artist," "In the Penal Colony," and the title story are absolutely brilliant and rich in themes. I also liked "The Stoker," though I am not sure why. But some of the other stories were incomprehensible to me. I must admit, however, that I read most of this book at night, often when I was very tired.
The Introduction was rather useful. The translator's Afterword was not.
I believe the material is, as a whole, worth reading, but I wonder about some of the tales, which Kafka himself seemed to think were "unfinished."
For a personal take on the title story, click here.

When you don't care, it shows

This afternoon, I watched the FCS championship game between Sam Houston State and North Dakota State University. I was rooting for a Bearkat win, almost entirely because my niece attends the school. But their 17-6 loss was not the only disappointment I encountered.
During the game, the announcers got several facts wrong about the area, in particular confusing Frisco, where the game was played, with Dallas, which is clearly where they wanted to be. Their lackadaisical tone spoke volumes. They misspoke, making a travesty of English, and not once did I hear them correct themselves. Maybe that seems petty, but had this game involved some 8-5 Division I team, they would likely have shown more respect.
At one point, NFL great Jerry Rice was interviewed, mainly about the new award which bears his name. They apparently could not interview him during a lull in the game or during a lengthy timeout, but during a couple of exciting plays, one of which was an interception. His voice was barely audible, but I was struck by how he was put in the position of defending the athletic ability of players in what I suppose many feel are second rate schools. When he was talking about the winner of the award, he was difficult to understand. So does ESPN only send the good audio equipment to games where 7-7 Division I teams play?
At halftime, there was coverage of Penn State's hiring of Bill O'Brien to replace Joe Paterno. That's to be expected. But it only brought back my ire concerning the whole mess, especially having to listen to Joey Galloway opine that O'Brien brings "energy" and "passion" to the job. Of course that is said about most people getting hired as coaches, but it was particularly irksome to hear this tripe after watching O'Brien at the press conference. The man was stiff, like kid in his freshman speech class. Even his hand gestures were clearly rehearsed. (Don't get me started on the implication is that Paterno didn't have any passion or energy.)
But I digress. A lot of people talk about sports at smaller schools with the same circular reasoning. Commentators regularly belittle  schools the size of Sam Houston or North Dakota during arguments over whether the "big boys" should have a playoff system, saying that if they have never heard of the school, then it should not have a chance to compete with well known programs. But this prejudice, so clear in ESPN's handling of this (shall I remind you) championship game, goes far beyond sports. Though there are more Americans actually going and graduating from these schools, mention of less known colleges is usually dismissive at best, and often mean-spirited.
When Leon Lett committed his supposedly bonehead play on Thanksgiving, 1993, Dale Hansen remarked, like so many in the sports intelligentsia, that his "mistake" showed why he went to Emporia State.  Supposedly he wasn’t smart enough to go to a big school. It was probably not the first time I'd heard someone on television put down smaller colleges, but it would be one that made me think about how others think of colleges.  When my own alma mater, East Texas State University (now Texas A&M Commerce) reached the NAIA semifinals in 1980, though they are about an hour from Dallas, few knew about it as far as the media were concerned. Nothing has changed. Dallas has many not-Division I schools nearby, and almost even scores of their games are rarely reported or given.
I didn't watch the news tonight but only one of the local stations (NBC-5) has a story or anything about today's game, which was played less than an hour's drive away from most of the area's broadcast studios. And NBC's story was posted before the game. There was no report about the game itself. There are stories about SMU's win over Pittsburgh in the barely interesting BBVA Compass Bowl, but almost nothing about a championship game right here.
By the way, during the broadcast of the game, there was a PSA featuring Lebron James encouraging kids to get an education. There was also a commercial from the NCAA touting their academics and how lots of student athletes were not "dumb jocks." Well, if you take football and basketball out of the mix, you'll probably find more athletes graduating and getting actual jobs and higher GPAs. But after watching male athletes at my own school working very hard to barely skate by, I have begun to doubt even this. Bottom line: James is a hypocrite and the less attention a sport (or gender) gets on television, the more likely you are to see their athletes getting degrees and looking for legitimate work.
I long ago grew tired of the "no one has heard of--" mentality. It implies that the way to judge the quality of a college would be how many times it is on television playing football and how many games that football team has won. But that only goes for Division I schools. The rest it seems, are out. They are, for so many students, second and third choices, despite the fact that smaller schools do not provide an inferior education or that many of those who have someone paying big dollars for them to go to "big" school are sometimes not adequately prepared for the real world.
Okay, this has been a bit more rant than real argument. So I must get back to what has me set off . ESPN reminded me of what has been true, but overlooked, a long time: Americans have been listening to what the television tells them is important a long time and most often believes it. Worse, we have, as a culture, determined that anything not lauded by some jerk on the national stage must not be important. This mindset is particularly heinous regarding those who belittle and deride, in words and in attitude, the smaller universities and community colleges that are the backbone of real education in the United States. And when we don’t stand up to jerks expressing how they (barely) think, it says a lot about what we think of our ourselves as a nation.

Music Notes – A Moment’s Peace

I've been listening to this album much of the day today (not all, because Spotify won't allow me access to the track "I Want to Talk About You" without me shelling out some money), and I must say the listening has been a welcome delight. John Scofield has always excelled at ballad and soulful blues guitar, but this disc provides a fine combination of the two that has me nodding my head much of the way through, especially on standards like "Gee Baby Ain't I Good to You?" and "I Loves You Porgy.

The Carla Bley tune "Lawns" and "Johan" have  beautiful, warm tones. They are the kind of songs that make the listener actually want to be in smoky nightclub. Or a church. I don't know why those images came to me, but listen and I think you'll feel the same way.
"Mood Returns" and Scofield's rendition of the Beatle's "I Will" are snappy without being loud. The heads are catchy and improvisations are toe-tap worthy.

"Plain Song" reminds me of a Pat Metheny tune from from the New Chautaugua or Watercolors days. But this is a Scofield ballad through and through, less ethereal than those Metheny projects, but with a similar introspective feel.

Larry Golding's work on piano and organ is really fine, accentuating and not just accompanying the sweet notes ringing from Scofield's guitar. Their interplay on "I Loves You Porgy," which closes the disc, is particularly tasty. All the other performers here provide their usual good work, but Golding's contribution is particularly valuable to this project.


A Moment's Peace fits, for me, very nicely into the playlist of mellow music that Grace Under Pressure and Quiet often occupies.  (A nice introduction to Mr. Scofield's earlier ballad work can be found on Slo Sco. But for now, this new disc has certainly helped me through at least one crappy day.

Meditation X -- Signs

"Watch and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees."
When Jesus said this to the disciples, they could not make sense of it because they were worried about having forgotten provisions for their journey. They had just witnessed, prior to setting out, a confrontation between those Pharisees and Sadducees and our Lord. But is clear they did not understand what He had said either.
"And the Pharisees and Sadducees came, and to test him they asked him to show them a sign from heaven." Clearly feeding four thousand people was not "sign" enough for them. Nor were any of the other miracles Jesus had performed. The truth is that they wanted no sign of Christ's authenticity. Anything Jesus did was, for them, merely proof of what they had already chosen and determined to believe about Him. After all, they even refused the sign of Jonah that later was right in front of them.
Which brings us to Jesus and his disciples "on the  other side." The disciples had already seen Jesus feed multitudes. Twice. These actions should have told them, "I will nourish you." They had seen him walk on water and quell a storm." This should have told them, "I will protect you."
Only after Jesus had explained, had put into context where He stood on the matter of bread, did they get it: "he did not tell them to be aware of the leaven of the bread, but of the teachings of the Pharisees and Sadducees." For these who had chosen to be enemies were looking to destroy, and their teaching could not do otherwise.
Lord, make us open to your teaching and aware of those whose interests blind them. Help us to read the true signs of Your life and words and thus share in Your joy and creation. Amen.

Reading Response – Of Change

Normally, I reserve my "Reading Responses" for articles I've come across and my "Bookmarks" for books I want to review/comment on. But as 2011 comes to a close (good riddance, I say), I will reverse that for the moment.
Last night I finished re-reading Franz Kafka 's novella The Metamorphosis. This has been one of my favorite stories for some time, largely because I find something new about it each time. The first couple times I read it, I took the transformation of Gregor Samsa into a bug quite literally. By the way, depending on the translation, Gregor becomes a "bug," a "cockroach," or "vermin."  I have no idea which word is most accurate. I prefer, at this writing, the latter, because of the reading I am now discussing and it's broad application. Anyway, as a story of fantasy or science-fiction (pardon my ignorance of such genres), the idea of one turning into a vermin works and makes for a fascinating study on how the world reacts to those who are different.
But as I read the story yesterday, informed by Jason Baker's introduction, I could not help but look at the story differently. Well, a little differently. The literal reading makes me angry at the family, lazy and inept, who turn on their son and brother after all the work he has done for them, and all the sacrifices he had made for them. Now, it is difficult for me to not also see the transformation from hard working human to burdensome vermin as a metaphor for a the nervous breakdown. At the risk of committing the biographical fallacy, I did notice that Kafka's own life, particularly his relationship with his father, bears this reading out somewhat.
What many think of a nervous  breakdown is when someone is so overwhelmed by life or stressed by unusual emotional circumstances that one acts in an irrational manner. But often that "act" is really to stop acting altogether. We have seen those who just, for no clear reason, stop moving, appearing to stare straight ahead, no longer reacting to those who are around them. The person many seem to be in a catatonic state, appearing to be awake, but not responding to anything or anyone around them. Without going into details, and noting I am no expert on psychology, I know more of this condition than I care to. The person may well be aware of what is happening around him, but feels paralyzed, unable to move. The person may sometimes think she is moving, is reacting or speaking, but that no one around her understands what she is saying or doing.
Gregor Samsa has worked tirelessly, sometimes cheerfully, on behalf of his family for years, and one can say his body colluded with his mind while he was asleep, during the only rest and happiness he ever had, to just say no to the world upon waking. No to demanding bosses. No to ungrateful parents and sister. No to conventions that require one person to labor without reward as others grow more and more rooted to the couch.
At this time of year, people make many resolutions, but do they really want change? I don't think so. They want to be changed. Sure, many of work to change ourselves (lose weight, quit smoking, etc.), and many of those changes fail for a variety of reasons. But given the opportunity, we would rather have the change come upon us, as if we could wake up one day and be different in ways we desire, with none of the attendant complications.
We also forget, and The Metamorphosis reminds us, that change does not affect only us, but also those around us. Ironically, when Gregor suddenly cannot work, we not only see the selfish sides of his family and the heartlessness of the rest of the world, we see his family forced to get out of the house, to work, to be something. Previously, they were just, for lack of a better way to say it, slugs. The tragedy is that Gregor does not get to choose his life and when his body/mind changes for him he does not reap any of the benefits.
A pastor once told me that in difficult times, the body and mind may conspire not against us, but for us to momentarily bring us a needed mental vacation. Perhaps the difficulty lie in recognizing this need and learning how to care for (not about) ourselves before we are paralyzed or transformed into something we have less control over than the people in our own lives.

Bookmarks -- The Universal Monk

Those who know me, know that I once considered becoming a monk. I have always been interested in finding how to incorporate as much of monastic spirituality into modern life as possible, while living in a world that is, for now, where my calling lies. John Michael Talbot's The Universal Monk is not so much a how-to as it is what-is. This book serves as an excellent primer for what has been called "the new monasticism." In addition to the rich and interesting history, Talbot's book provides insight into the elements of spirituality monastics primarily focus on and how they (and we, one senses) work toward the selfless, self-emptying life that Jesus lived.

The Universal Monk includes warnings and reflections on why monastic life is not for everyone and where monasticism fails for some individuals and why some communities fail or struggle to achieve their goals. Talbot reminds us that Americans often find it hard to live in monasteries because it "requires a voluntary relinquishment of one's self-will and self-determination under a rule and leadership that simply runs counter to the American ethos." I am of the opinion that much of that ethos is what may well be hurting the country, and that much in monastic spirituality could easily restore our country without us losing what is good and unique about American life.

What American Christians, in particular, can learn from this book is the need to seek God and find renewal in our relationship with Him before setting out in ministry and work. So much is hampered and unhappy in our lives because so much is about the hurried (and harried) need to get this or that done, and that includes ministries and "expressions" of our faith. We worry too much about what we are to the world, and too little on what we are to ourselves and to God. Before we can address anything wrong with our world, we must do even more than get the planks out of our lives. We must get in real touch with the God we want our world to be changed by. We need this renewal, not just once but every moment. As Talbot writes, "our real person is often very different than our personality. Our personality is often the persona we have learned to put on in order to hide from the often difficult and even violent outer world. The sad thing is that we often get confused and think that our personality is our person. We lose touch with ourselves and with everything around us. We end up living an illusion because we do not really even know who we are anymore. Jesus comes to restore us to ourselves" (emphasis mine).

Though just over 200 pages, The Universal Monk is expansive, and I think I'll need to re-read it. But even on my first read, I was awestruck at the simple and profound life that is drawn here. I say life, because this isn't a book of mere ideas. It is about what the author calls "conversion of life." And wherever we are, such conversion is needed and can be most powerful, not only to the individual, but the larger communities where we dwell.

Excerpts of the Talbot's book can be read here.

Meditation IX -- Requirements

He has told you, O man, what is good;
   and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
   and to walk humbly with your God?

It occurred to me today that rarely in Scripture does God ever say to someone, "Do this one specific thing" or "Avoid doing this one specific thing." Even when Jesus told the rich young man to give everything he had to the poor and follow Him, Christ did not say "Give 20 percent of your stuff to these people" or "Make sure this poor person has been living a righteous life before giving money to him."

In Paul's letter to the Colossians, the church is told "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." A little further on, he writes, "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you" and proceeds to list, not specific wrong acts, but the qualities and characteristics that bring us to wrong acts. For even the evil manage to avoid many wrong acts. But getting rid of (or putting to death) the characteristics that lead us to do bad things is much harder. It takes time and grace and a willingness to put on a "new self."

Paul does not leave us with bad to avoid, but also more characteristics to "put on," as one does clothing: "compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." These are not good acts that replace bad ones, though it may look that way to us and to outsiders. Paul calls the church he is writing to "holy and beloved," and that is not just what we are, but what we are to be. We are to be separate in characteristics from the world and to live as people who are loved dearly by our creator.

And so we do not perform just acts: we do justice. Justice is our action. We do not perform kind acts: we love kindness. Kindness is what we spread and act as God's agents to create. And we do not act humble: we walk humbly, the loving Lord of the Universe beside us and within us. We step deliberately, getting to know the one whose power and light become the hallmark of all our movement.

Music Notes -- A Dreamer's Christmas

For some reason when I have tried listening to John Zorn, I've run into his more (for me) avant-garde recordings, which have been interesting and energetic, but not work I could listen to more than a couple of times at a sitting. But just in time for what is likely to be a crappy holiday is A Dreamer's Christmas, a real treasure that has me feeling good each time I listen to it.

There are a couple Zorn originals here, and they are really fine, but mostly we have some fascinating, lively, and accessible interpretations of Christmas favorites, from the opening keyboard and vibe driven "Winter Wonderland" to the closing "The Christmas Song" (with Faith No More vocalist Mike Patton), this is an album that has me smiling throughout. And to be honest, I can only say that about a dozen of the hundreds of Christmas albums I've heard in my life.

There are some terrific improvisations on A Dreamer's Christmas, which is good because most "jazz" Christmas recordings are dull, I'm sorry to say. But what makes the project a bit unique may be the instrumentation. Marc Ribot is excellent on guitar, and Kenny Wolleson's vibe playing is delicious. The rest of the band is good as well, but these two stand out for me. Some of the arrangements are also really fun, quirky at times without getting nuts. "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" gets a treatment that made me actually like the song again.

Perhaps the best tune on the CD is the Vince Guaraldi favorite, "Christmas Time Is Here." As NPR's Tom Cole wrote, "It perfectly captures no only Charlie Brown's holiday angst, but also the mixed feelings a lot of us have around this time of year." But then the album takes a more upbeat turn with "Santa's Workshop," a tune that seems to reflect the frentic running around of the season. It goes well with the sped up, wonderfully wild parts of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town."

The songs here do focus on the more secular side of Christmas, but I don't think that should put off more spiritually minded listeners. These are secular not in the sense of crass commercialism. In fact, I get a sense that parts of A Dreamer's Christmas pokes a bit of fun at that element of the season. But the album seems to highlight the wonder and dreaminess of Christmas, something most of us, if we could watch with the eyes of a child, can easily understand.

Reading Response -- Of Wilful Ignorance

Some people, for a variety of reasons, struggle to get a good education. Some people choose stupidity as a way of life. Such is the case of Professor Paul Derengowski.

Derengowski resigned, he says, under pressure when two of his students filed complaints about his teaching practices. Most specifically, the World Religions instructor told his class that Islam is a cult.

Now before you go screaming about the First Amendment and all that, note that the problem was not Derengowski's opinion (or his goofy understanding of what a cult is), but that he had done much more. He handpicked the most inflammatory statements from the Qur'an, deliberately offended the Muslim students in his class, and claimed ex post facto to be opening a dialogue. He calls the complaints against him "jihadist actions."

First of all, whatever you think of Islam as a religion, one must note that Derengowski's definition of cult comes from little reliable theology. It is an actually cobbled together to fit pretty much anyone who isn't his brand of Christian. Second, he avowed states he is "against Islam." He has no interest in communicating the rich and varied expression of Muslim belief systems (yes, I meant that plural). In fact, his only goal is to incite anger and violence.

I find it ironic that he is worried about two students who went through the proper channels to complain about an instructor who devalued them and did not allow anyone to fairly challenge his misinformation. He published the two names on his website in an attempt of his own to harm those who dare to question him.

Paul Derengowski claims that what he teaches in his class is in defense of Christianity and that he has a Christian perspective. "Christians," he stated in a Chanel 11 interview, "are not supposed to stand by and let that go." Let what go? Well, Mr. Derengowski, this Christian is not going to stand by and let you pretend to represent my faith with your bile and baiting bullshit.

This alleged teacher claims that he set up his blog to defend his faith. But there are a couple of problems with this. First, he is defending himself (not Christianity) against attacks, that by and large do not exist. Second, he has a right to spew his misguided message on his blog. He does not need to defend Christianity in his classroom. He is to teach. Clearly he does not know what teaching is. Being a Christian does not at all mean his perspective or point of view is Christian. And what he has done is not Christian in any sense of the word.

Mr. Derengowski has a right to his opinion, and even his twisted interpretation of the facts. He has a right to proclaim what he believes, even if he is wrong. But he has willfully chosen ignorance, and that is something that must be stood up to. Teachers and Christians need to cry out against his kind, especially in a climate where education and true religion (see James 1:27) has been demeaned and demonized.

The truth is there are Muslims who are so radical in their beliefs, so intolerant of anyone who isn't like them, that they believe they have a god-given duty to kill Christians, Americans, and other Muslims for that matter. But this is not the majority. They are the ones on television (and I keep hearing of some "liberal" bias in the media), and the ones Faux News points out. Derengowski says that a picture of a Muslim kid with a gun is "history." Not really. It is the sort of vile manipulation of images that turns on the fence Muslims against us. It does nothing to education or represent the majority of Muslims in this country.

I am honestly shocked Derengowski has not been sued for posting the names of the two students who complained against him on his website. Hasn't this joker ever heard of FERPA? This doesn't take into account the slander of said students who did not (by all reports so far) threaten him, but whom he called "terrorists." He has put them in danger, not the other way around.

And what the hell is going on with a school that allows such a person to teach in its classroom? He's been there over three years and hasn't been shown for what he is, a fraud? Tarrant County Community College should be ashamed that they either 1)did not do their due diligence in researching this man's credentials and teaching or 2) knew about him and were too weak to get rid of him until a student complained. This is a man who was put in a position of power and has attempted to use that power to push his agenda.

I have little patience with students who choose ignorance over education. These are the ones who will do no critical thinking, will read almost nothing (even about the ideas they themselves have) and will call a professor a bad teacher when they hear something they don't like (such as, "You plagiarizing your essay means you have earned a zero for the assignment." or "You have not done the assignment correctly." or "Please do some research about this topic before you make bold pronouncements of your authority on such matters.") These are the students who say things like "I don't need to do research, because I already know what I think" and "My professor is getting big kickbacks from the publisher of his textbook" and "I got a bad grade because he doesn't agree with my views." I have endure such students with difficulty because instead of coming to school with an open heart and a desire for learning, they wish to be rewarded for their candid stupidity.

And "Professor" Derengowski is just such a teacher. What he tries to do is a blight on the profession of teaching. It is no wonder that so many politicians and pundits decry advanced education and try to strip it of any power to build a stronger nation.

People like Paul Derengowski do more harm to Christianity than a hundred Madelyn Murray O'Hares and a thousand Christopher Hitchenses. To the profession of teaching, people like him do harm that too often cannot be repaired because his most ardent students eventually become twice the children of Hell he is (Matthew 23:15).